I want to keep it real and give the tools to those whom found themselves in
the life of recovery after leaving the street life behind. I understand when I
went to my first treatment program over Six-teen years ago I felt inside that
my group in treatment could not understand me because they did not
experience the rock bottom life I had chosen to live. I also was very tired with
a lot feelings of shame, guilt, and hurt.
After graduating from treatment I realize I was a dry drunk. I continued to
hang out at the bars and continued my relationships with my old using friends,
but I did not drink or get high. I was lonely inside and very scared. It was after
my relapse that I realize I didn't surrender to the life that I knew of and that was
the street life. I remember dropping on my knees and praying to God to help
me as I was slipping in despair.
After a few days of binging I remember waking up seeing my mother in tears
and she told me not to give up. Then off to treatment I went again with her
support, but this time I went to a behavior treatment program, a place and
group, where there were people like myself. I felt in my heart that God had led
me to this recovery place where I would get the help I needed. I very worked
hard and deeply cried my insides out and after three months I graduated. My
first AA meeting I remember saying, "I don't know who I am and what was I
going to do." Someone said to me in the AA meeting, "Keep coming back." I
did.
After Six-teen years of recovery, I realized that recovery is about grief,
happiness, learning from Mistakes, working the 12 Step Program, having a
Sponsor, Going to meetings, and living life of God's will. I learned that I am
not alone. Here are some tools I wish to share for those who lived and left the
street life and are now living their life in recovery. Remember, these are just
suggestions:
the life of recovery after leaving the street life behind. I understand when I
went to my first treatment program over Six-teen years ago I felt inside that
my group in treatment could not understand me because they did not
experience the rock bottom life I had chosen to live. I also was very tired with
a lot feelings of shame, guilt, and hurt.
After graduating from treatment I realize I was a dry drunk. I continued to
hang out at the bars and continued my relationships with my old using friends,
but I did not drink or get high. I was lonely inside and very scared. It was after
my relapse that I realize I didn't surrender to the life that I knew of and that was
the street life. I remember dropping on my knees and praying to God to help
me as I was slipping in despair.
After a few days of binging I remember waking up seeing my mother in tears
and she told me not to give up. Then off to treatment I went again with her
support, but this time I went to a behavior treatment program, a place and
group, where there were people like myself. I felt in my heart that God had led
me to this recovery place where I would get the help I needed. I very worked
hard and deeply cried my insides out and after three months I graduated. My
first AA meeting I remember saying, "I don't know who I am and what was I
going to do." Someone said to me in the AA meeting, "Keep coming back." I
did.
After Six-teen years of recovery, I realized that recovery is about grief,
happiness, learning from Mistakes, working the 12 Step Program, having a
Sponsor, Going to meetings, and living life of God's will. I learned that I am
not alone. Here are some tools I wish to share for those who lived and left the
street life and are now living their life in recovery. Remember, these are just
suggestions:
- As the first step in AA, CA, NA, or other AA's is to admit that you are powerless of
Alcohol, Cocaine, Meth, Narcotics, etc.. (Your Addiction of Choice) And your life
became unmanageable. Well, if you live the street life here's a suggestion:
Also Admit to yourself you were powerless over your behaviors and you-yourself,
became unmanageable. Life is about change and change is hard and full of
emotions and feelings that sobriety will hand to you. To be sober and have the
street life behaviors do not mix. It is important to grieve the street life you knew of
as though it is now dead. I understand for some this may be hard, but it will save
your life and it's the beginning of a new. Besides, you tried it and it didn't work so
give it your best to live a sober life. Try checking yourself when you cuss. Try
praying to your higher power when you see a bundle of cash and your eyes wonder
in its direction. Try going to the coffee shops and stay away from the bars and after
hour parties. Try spending time with your family, specially your mother, father, and
siblings... I lost both my mother and father in recovery and I am thankful for the
sober time I had with them. Find new Sober friends. - Continue to go to your support group even when you don't want to and stay
involved. This is important to give back which will be giving to you. A new life in
recovery from uncivilized to civilized. Street life was about taking and recovery is
about giving, giving to yourself and others like ourselves- 12th Step. - Trust in your higher power. Powerlessness is weak when you struggle for control
but when you give in there is no friction but a steady course and an open mind. - Get a sponsor. This is very important. Your sponsor will be able to walk you
through the steps and the big book of AA, NA, or even CA... Recovery. Your sponsor
will also be able to give you the tools you will need to make through the difficult
times. Remember to use your sponsor before you relapse. Some things to
remember would be important is to have a list of triggers and red flags and discuss
this with your sponsor so that if you called him or her at the grocery store and told
him or her you were having a difficult time, he or she, wouldn't trigger alarm from
you, unless, lets say you use to meet your drug dealer at the grocery store or you
use to buy alcohol there on Sundays. If your sponsor knew this and then you
mention you were having a difficult time your sponsor could say... Leave the grocery
store... And I will meet you. - Get a therapist: Street life is somewhat of a life of war, which I mean survival.
Friends murdered and buried. Escaping death many times. Constantly looking
over your back. Spending years in jail or penitentiary. So when you are in recovery
please sit down with a therapist and deal with this garbage as soon as you can.
Also talk about the internal feelings of anxiety, sleepless nights, paranoia, stress,
depression, bi-polar, PTSD, or any other mental or compulsive issues you may
have going on. This is very important because being sober is just that being
sober... But unless you deal with these issues again they will come back to haunt
you and acting out and making a huge sober mistake will hurt you but don't bend
and give into drugs or alcohol-no matter what- even this shall pass. In the Big Book
it does say some of us may recover from this. My Sponsor says "As long as we are
sober we can get through anything." - Hang around the winners: Oh yes, give yourself a structure of good quality friends.
Don't worry about if you fit in or not. We all have been there and we will give back to
those who are willing to live sober for today. I seen a video on Yahoo where this
guy said as he did an experiment that he took a group of law abiding citizens from
college and put them in a prison environment and shortly later they were negativity
acting out with their behaviors. But remember, help those who are struggling. Are
mission is not to leave one Alcoholic or Addict behind. - Take time to share: Share your story, your fears, your shame, your guilt, your
success, talk about how you were able to stay sober when you get a chance. Take
courage and stand in the group with your medallion and it is OK to be nervous and
scared because you can always keep it simple and give thanks to your Higher
Power for your success. And surly, talk about your Happiness and what you did
good for yourself. - Have patience... If you planted seeds and nourished them with water, sunshine,
and feed it, it will grow and soon blossom as well as you will glow. - Don't stay stuck on mistakes: This is very important. I f you make a mistake talk
about it and feel the emotions, make amends with empathy if needed, but at some
point let it go to your higher power, but again, just don't say I gave it to my higher
power with out doing the work. Remember: What is buried will grow- even
garbage can grow into maggots unless we dispose of it in a righteously way. - Have compassion for others: We all have our own beliefs, expectations, dreams,
goals, and some have different Higher Powers, but know matter what, show
compassion for others and offer your support when you can. Don't be jealous with
the old timers because they have more time then you, (I did early in my recovery and
learned from this and I was honest. I told them that I wanted what they have.) but
take the time to learn because a smoother road is better than a bumpy one in
recovery. - Feast: Enjoy your dinner and give thanks and if you are poor and you are reading
this from a coffee shop be humble and in peace because in my recovery I, myself,
cleaned toilets and puke as a janitor before I went to college and earned a double
Computer Science degree. "Thank you, God, for I give you the glory because I could
not have done it with out you. Remember all things shall pass and Hope brings all
faith. - Enjoy your life because today is all we have and if you feel a need a cry then cry and
if you feel the need to laugh then please do. - This is important for the old timers... Come back to the recovery meetings
because we need you.
By
Arnold Williams
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